Pebbles upon her quilt I made. She looks a tad scared but I only gave her biscuits I promise! Think she still needs to warm to my studio as currently she run back off home into my bedroom!! she’s a tad messy as I called her in from the garden, seems to have been digging with her nose! silly thing!
considering my parents are currently not even acknowledging my existence, I’m really debating using this too my advantage of buying a bunny or two! Surely things can’t get worst than they currently are. right?! and pets at home have little cuties!
All these ups and downs began draining everything out of me, yet today i’m happier than a kiddy in a sweety shop. My art studio keys were handed too me and all i need to do is a quick lick of paint (just to brighten the white a little) and arrange my desks and all exactly how i want. I’ve not felt this happy in so long!
things have changed dramatically in so many respect yet last night i fell right back into feeling sheer fear, yet not for the same reasons as beforehand. To me, my best friend has always been my dog (who is just approaching three years old in a couple of weeks time) nobody really ever understands the saying about dogs being a mans best friend until they have that companionship, and mine and Pebbles is really something special. Yet last night, i honestly believed I was going to lose her; panic and fear suffocated me. Nothing ever wakes me up- yet Pebbles managed too last night, struggling to breath, she let out all these noises. I was scared. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run for help. yet, i didn;t want to leave her alone, it was three am and no-one what so ever around. My dog was there for almost a minute or two, struggling to get her breath back. I was petrified. I rubbed her neck, yelling for her not to do this too me, unsure if to run and wake my parents. Safe to say, I didn’t really get any sleep for the remainder of the night but I couldn’t care. my best friend is still here with me. I dread the day this happens for real. I really do. Think it will be the death of me too.
Nan gave me this blanket today also, she’s been working on it for months apparently and I didn’t even know about it!! It’s massive and sweet addition to my bedroom :’)
so my studio is basically finished and i’m pretty much moved in. it’s so lovely, the past couple of day’s i’ve just spent adding finishing touches, drinking tea and biscuits too. Today, I made my curtains and they look cute! (even made Pebbles a matching quilt to go beside my desk!) too much motivation to finish art//get the course done so I can do my own little thing in there.
sometimes, i can’t even explain how much i despise myself for all my fuck ups. I somehow have managed to fuck tomorrow up and it’s not even here yet. may as well wave good by to any glimpse of a future. can barely hold myself together for a full time job and can’t even make an open day for uni. yeaaa. i’m getting nowhere.
“When I was a younger man, art was a lonely thing. No galleries, no collectors, no critics, no money. Yet, it was an golden age, for we all had nothing to lose, and the vision, the gain. Today is not quite the same.” Mark Rothko.
Stumbled across this while on you tube, in an attempt to avoid coursework and despite it being something far from my usual kind of music, i kind of like it. It’s nice for somebody to tell you things will be okaay, it’s needed sometimes.
